Backpedaling?

Once in a while I have days that I really don't like... Days that the clouds around my little world open up and I see things way too clearly. More often than not, there is an obvious trigger. Today the trigger was shopping for a wedding present.
After reading through dozens of wedding cards, I was struck with the realization that I will probably never have a wedding. I realize that on most days, I will tell you that I don't really need to get married again... I enjoy having my own space, and lots of alone time... And I really do. But today, after reading the words "Happily Ever After" dozens of times, I really felt cheated.
I was married once. (The divorce isn't even final yet) but I have never had a wedding. Now, after finding and falling in love with the perfect man for me, who is already married, I realize that the chances of ever having a wedding are getting slimmer and slimmer.

I will admit that a lot of the problems in my first marriage were my fault. Rushing into marriage so that I wouldn't have to be alone because I was so insecure, and being so young that I had no clue who I really was were the biggest mistakes. Today I realized that I really would like the chance to prove that I CAN make a marriage work.